Now first things first, an apology to Psy Fiction followers for the extended hiatus on blog scribblings. I knew after this wait we’d really have to return with a big hitter – so hopefully a Russian ice hockey player will do the trick? We are of course talking about one of Heated Rivalry‘s leading men, Ilya Rosanov (or Lily to his closest friends). Is the Boston player really the “a**hole” everyone says he is? Or is there more behind this on-ice persona? Let’s dive into a compassion-focused formulation to help answer these questions. Hope it was “worth the wait”…

As always with Psy Fiction, these posts are written as a teaching tool for those interested in psychology. You therefore do not need to have seen the show or have prior knowledge of the characters to be able to use the posts to learn about the psychological models – there will be enough context provided so you can get a good sense of who we’re talking about.
However, it is likely though that you will be aware of the global phenomenon that is Heated Rivalry. As a psychologist, ice hockey player, lover of queer romance stories, and truthfully just a fan girl at heart – it was very easy to jump on the Heated Rivalry train. And I couldn’t resist the opportunity to bring the show into our Psy Fiction world. Any excuse to rewatch and take another trip to the cottage for ‘research purposes’ is fine and dandy with me.

Now from a psychological perspective, this show is a dream. We follow the decade-long secret relationship between Ilya Rosanov and Shane Hollander, the two top ice hockey players in the league. Russian-born Ilya presents a “bad boy” image whilst navigating complex loss and strained family dynamics. Shane is Canada’s “perfect” face of hockey, with a keen work ethic and strong network of friends and family. These two characters are portrayed exquisitely by Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams, communicating subtly and realistically Ilya’s emotional journey through past and current trauma, as well as Shane’s neurodivergence, anxiety, and exploration of sexuality.

For readers who are unfamiliar with the show and would like some context, (or for those who just can’t get enough Hollanov content), here’s the original trailer which introduces the main characters briefly:
If you would like an introduction to CFT and the CFT formulation model, keep reading. If you possess this knowledge already and are just here for the Heated Rivalry content, skip down to Ilya’s case example below!
Disclaimer reminder: Psy Fiction posts are for educational/informational purposes only and are not designed to be used in clinical settings or as self-help materials.
Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
Compassion-focused therapy (CFT) is a therapy model developed by Paul Gilbert (2010), which is described as one of the “third-wave” CBT models“. It takes traditional Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) principles but also brings in concepts from evolutionary psychology, neurobiology, social psychology, attachment theory, and buddhist principles. CFT was developed as it was observed that some people with high self-criticism and shame, who often have had traumatic experiences, did not benefit from standard therapies available (Balanced Minds).
Compassion in the context of CFT is defined in two parts:
a) the sensitivity to the distress and suffering of ourself and others, and
b) the commitment to relieve and prevent this suffering.
For example, in Heated Rivalry episode 3, Elena recognises that her friend Kip is suffering by keeping his relationship a secret. She genuinely cares and wants things to change for the better for him and his partner, Scott. A lovely example of compassion in action.

This concept of compassion flows through all aspects of CFT. For example, the model compassionately explains that from an evolutionary perspective, we all have ‘Tricky Brains’ which can cause us problems. It is not our fault that we have these difficulties, and we are all in this together. CFT provides a framework to see one’s life experiences, coping mechanisms and current difficulties with a lens of compassionate understanding. CFT then helps people through ‘compassionate mind training’, to further foster self-compassionate thinking and tools.
As you’re probably aware, Psy Fiction focuses on specifically explaining Formulation models, so that will be the main part of this post today. If you feel you want a bit more context of the CFT model in general, check-out the references and resources at the end for further reading.
Three systems model
A key component of the CFT framework is the 3-systems model (Irons & Beaumont, 2017; Gilbert (2010). These systems are things we will refer to throughout the formulation model.

The 3 systems model is a simple framework to describe different systems in our brain. All the systems have been vital for evolution, and there are no ‘bad’ or ‘good’ systems. The main factor is balance – i.e. how much do we spend in each of these systems?
- The ‘Threat’ system (red) is our ‘fight, flight, freeze’ threat-response (sympathetic nervous system), which is activated to keep us safe in threatening or dangerous situations. However, it also operates a ‘better safe than sorry’ policy, being activated at any perceived sign of danger, whether this is real or perceived. So, the threat system can be triggered by things can be in our external environment, but also by our own internal perceptions. For example, a big scary enforcer on the opposite team dropping their gloves ready for a fight at centre ice (a very real threat). However, worrying that your hockey career will be over if you miss one penalty in a friendly, is more of a threat our ‘tricky brain’ has created in our mind.
- The ‘Drive’ system (blue) is our activation system which helps us to pursue and achieve things in our lives. This is required for species survival e.g. motivation for finding food. It’s the system that drives productivity and helps us work towards our goals, as well as to feel rewarded when we achieve them. For example, training for the All Stars skills competition and winning the new best time on the speed skating drill.
- The ‘Soothe’ system (green) plays the vital evolutionary role of allowing us to rest and recuperate, linked to our parasympathetic nervous system. It relates to feelings of safety, calmness and contentment, as well as being linked to caring and connection. Think, rewatching Heated Rivalry as it’s now become your emotional support show.

In modern life, many people find they get stuck in the threat and drive systems, giving little time for accessing their soothing system. This can help someone stay safe and reach goals, but without space for rest and recuperation, this can risk feelings of overwhelm and burnout. CFT often focuses on supporting people to recognise the time they spend in these three systems, and develop more effective ways to access their soothing system.
CFT Formulation Model
The CFT formulation (Irons & Beaumont, 2017) focuses on helping to understand someone’s key threats or fears, where these came from, and how these are managed in the present time. It also highlights ‘vicious cycles’ or ‘feedback loops’, which are likely maintaining someone’s current difficulties. You can see an outline of the model here:

Historical Influences: This initial part of the formulation explores experiences which someone may have had which shaped their threat system. For example, adverse childhood experiences, relationships, school and work, loss, and the wider systemic context they grew up in.
Key Fears/Threats: The next part of the model explores what fears or threats the person experiences, due to these historical influences. Common themes of these threats include rejection, abandonment, isolation, shame, and fear of physical/sexual/emotional threat/harm (Gilbert, 2010). In this model, these core fears are separated into ‘external’ and ‘internal’. External fears are those which start in the outside world, e.g. fears of what others may do, and pertain to the world feeling unsafe. Internal threats include fears about ourselves, such as our identity or ability to cope.
Protective/safety strategies: We all have strategies that we use to try to protect ourselves against fears and threats, in order to keep ourselves safe. When our threat system is activated by key fears, we will use different strategies depending on whether these fears are external or internal. For external threats, we may notice ‘fight, flight or freeze’ responses, such as avoidance of threats, or perhaps more aggressive/submissive responses depending on what feels safe. For internal threats, we may notice trying to avoid emotions, such as focusing on other things or using substances. Alternatively, we may find ourselves striving for perfectionism or self-criticism, in order to feel a sense of worthiness.
Unintended consequences: Many safety strategies help to relieve difficult feelings in the short term, and have worked for people to manage on a day-to-day basis. Many of these strategies, however, have negative consequences for that person in the long term. The important thing is to highlight that these consequences are ‘unintended’, and that that person may have needed to use these strategies to survive. However, whilst it is not their fault, these ways of coping are causing them difficulties and may be playing a role in maintaining their current problems. For example, someone may drink excessively to help numb fears about being alone and feeling rejected, but perhaps how they behave whilst under the influence may unintentionally push family and friends away.
Feedback loop of self-to-self relating and mood: A result of these unintended consequences of safety strategies can be individuals viewing themselves more negatively, and thus their mood can worsen. Using the drinking example, if the person feels they have pushed others away, they may become self-critical, believe they don’t deserve love, and notice feeling low in mood. This can feed back into their key fears that they will be alone and others will reject them. This forms a vicious cycle, maintaining patterns of core fears, behaviours and self-criticism.
It can be very easy to get stuck in these loops, but the CFT formulation provides a compassionate and non-judgemental way of noticing these patterns, so someone can consider what changes they want to make in the future.
Ilya Rosanov’s CFT Formulation
We’ll now bring this formulation model to life with Ilya as our case example. In addition to the formulation model, we will also bring in the ‘three systems’ framework (threat, drive and soothe) to help understand Ilya’s experiences and coping mechanisms over time.
For those who want a bit of context on this character, you can check-out the video below of a scene where Ilya expresses his feelings about his family and current situation:
Someone give this man an Emmy, pronto…
(NB: ‘The Long Game’ sequel book focuses even more on Ilya’s story and mental health journey after Heated Rivalry, but have tried to avoid this storyline in case people don’t want spoilers in advance of S2!)
Reflection points:
Firstly, a reminder that this post about CFT formulation is not about finding a diagnostic label. We are not looking at symptom lists for e.g. depression or Complex PTSD, although it may feel that Ilya may fit into some of those categories. Instead we want to use this formulation model consider Ilya as a whole person through a compassionate lens. How can his life experiences understandably explain his current presenting difficulties and coping mechanisms?
Secondly, the aim of this Psy Fiction post is to use this character to illustrate how a CFT formulation could work. However, is not the only psychological model we could use to understand Ilya’s experiences. So I would encourage you to think critically! What are the positives of this model? Is there anything it’s missing? Are there any other theories/frameworks you would use instead? Let’s dive in…
CFT Formulation model:

Additional narrative formulation and integration of 3 systems model:
Ilya experienced multiple traumatic events in his early life, leading to disrupted attachments, living in survival mode, and ongoing activation of his ‘threat’ system. When people experience this kind of early complex trauma, their brain can come to expect threatening and dangerous things to happen. Therefore, it is more likely Ilya stayed stuck in the ‘threat’ / ‘safety seeking’ brain system as a child and into adulthood. It also meant that Ilya had limited opportunities for developing his soothing system through safe and secure relationships and experiences. This would have been further confounded through living in Russia and playing ice hockey, meaning it was not safe to be open about his sexuality.
All this will have contributed to forming core fears about himself and the world. For example, that the world isn’t safe for him, others will reject and leave him, as well as feeling worthless and a disappointment. Ilya developed ways to cope and survive with these fears. He presents with a cold ‘bravado’ exterior, which can come across as aggressive, attracting a reputation as an ‘a**hole’. This keeps others at a distance to avoid him being hurt or rejected, and also prevents them seeing his underlying emotional turmoil.

Ilya took up ice hockey as a child and it is likely that this was a helpful escape from him. This may have been a time he could access his soothing system, through mindful physical activity with like-minded people. This seems to be a positive outlet for him throughout his life. However, playing professionally possibly shifted ice hockey into more of a ‘drive system’ activity. This means that Ilya has very limited opportunities for accessing his soothing system, and is often going between threat and drive mode (e.g. needing to win games, be drafted for the NHL etc). This has likely helped him stay strong, safe and succeed as a professional athlete. However, this likely left him vulnerable to emotional burnout. He appears to seek out alcohol, smoking and casual sex as ways to seek some form of soothing, although these often don’t lead to true activation of the soothing system, which is linked to genuine connection and safeness.
Ilya moves to the US in his late teens, where he was faced with a stark cultural change and language barrier. This meant he had a reduced support system compared to his western peers, further limiting the options for developing supportive connections and building his soothing system. It is important to acknowledge how fiction mirrors reality in Heated Rivalry, as there are currently no openly gay players active in the NHL (National Hockey League). Being a professional ice hockey player means Ilya feels constrained by the ongoing stigma and pressure, further contributing to him feeling the need to keep his sexuality and relationships hidden. This would understandably have contributed to the ongoing activation of the ‘threat’ system, keeping Ilya in high alert and survival mode.
Throughout his time in the US, Ilya experiences ongoing stressors related to his home life, and he likely has a complicated grief response when his father dies. He witnesses his partner Shane knocked out during a hockey game and rushed to hospital, which is extremely upsetting. Both these events happened within weeks and would have understandably been re-traumatising for Ilya, as a reminder of the previous loss of a parent, as well as seeing a loved one unconscious (i.e. when he found his mother).

Ilya and Shane have what the kids would describe as a ‘situationship’ for over a decade. What starts off as just sex, turns into an emotionally intimate relationship. This, however, is not straightforward. Throughout the show we see Ilya struggling to be vulnerable with others and finding it hard to drop this tough protective exterior, due to these worries about others seeing him and being rejected. Initially when Ilya drops his guard and starts to be more vulnerable with Shane in the infamous ‘tuna melt’ scene, Shane’s own anxiety about his feelings towards Ilya, means he responds unhelpfully. He leaves Ilya and starts dating someone else, despite still having strong feelings for Ilya. This triggers the feedback loop by confirming Ilya’s worst core fears of being rejected and confirms that it is not safe to be vulnerable (i.e. he needs to keep his walls up for protection). Thankfully, Shane comes back to Ilya and apologises for leaving, modelling a positive rupture/repair in their relationship and allowing a deeper connection for them both.
Protective factors and mechanisms for positive change:
In spite of everything Ilya has been through, he has managed high levels of success as one of the best players in the world, is seen as a highly valued team mate and captain, as well as a compassionate and supportive partner to Shane by the end. What an inspiration!

The CFT formulation diagram does permit a lot of space for explicitly reflecting protective factors, positive coping strategies, and the mechanisms of change that help individuals – so here are some further considerations of these for Ilya:
- Romantic relationship: It is clear that Ilya starts to see Shane and Shane’s home (‘the cottage’) as a place where he can feel safe and start to access his soothing system fully. You can see the change in Ilya at the cottage, with a softening of the ‘hard exterior’ in body language and increased emotional intimacy/availability. The physical and emotional space that Shane creates allows Ilya to show vulnerability, open up to Shane about his past, tell Shane his true feelings, as well as have discussions about their future together.
- Friends: throughout the story, Ilya takes positive steps towards building his soothing system with connections outside his family. He has a close childhood friend Svetlana who he is able to be open with and receive care and support from. He is open with her about his sexuality, she supports him through family difficulties in Russia, and he is able to have fun / relaxed times with her.
- Physical exercise: Ilya spends much of his time going to the gym, running and playing ice hockey. He often does these activities with friends and appears to derive a lot of joy and satisfaction from them. These are things that likely help him to regulate, as well as contributing to his success as a professional athlete.
- Systemic change: A huge catalyst for Ilya feeling safe to be more vulnerable with Shane and go to spend time at the cottage, is witnessing his fellow hockey player Scott Hunter very publicly coming out as gay on live TV. Ilya comments that “this changes things for us”, and highlights the importance of LGBTQ+ visibility and acceptance, particularly in a sport such as ice hockey. When we think about therapy models such as CFT, we often focus on what the individual can change themselves to help their current presenting difficulties. However, if those difficulties stem from wider systemic/power issues affecting marginalised groups, it is important to acknowledge how these contribute to individuals’ mental health. Furthermore, we need to acknowledge external systemic changes that are needed to increase external safety for people, rather than solely placing the onus on the individual to develop coping strategies to foster internal safety. In this case, witnessing increased visibility and counteracting entrenched stigma within the men’s ice hockey community played a vital role (although still a long way to go!).

Now, although I could write about the Heated Rivalry gang for days, I will exercise self-control and stop here for now. However, whilst we patiently await Season 2, HMU with any requests for other characters. Shane Hollander formulation, anyone…? I have 10 months to fill!!

P.S. Happy Pride month y’all
That’s all folks!
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Which star of the silver screen would you like to see a formulation for in the future?
Let me know in the comments!
References and additional information:
- The Compassionate Mind Workbook (2017) by Chris Irons and Elaine Beaumont
- The Compassionate Mind (2010) by Paul Gilbert
- Balanced Minds – What is Self-Compassion? https://balancedminds.com/what-is-self-compassion/
- ‘Get Self Help’ -Compassion resources – https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/compassion-self-help/
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Disclaimer: All Heated Rivalry image and video rights belong to Crave and HBO. Stranger Things images belong to Netflix. Images and reference to the original TV shows are used in this blog post in the understanding that it falls under ‘fair use’. This is due to the images and reference to the films being used in the context of a commentary/critique of the original material for educational purposes. To my knowledge, the use of images in this post do not deny the owner of income and they are not being used in this context for monetary gain of the user.










































































































